I object.

No. NO. In the spectrum of cheeses that I could possibly be based on my personality and preferences and et cetera, it is NOT POSSIBLE that I could be AMERICAN FRIGGIN CHEESE. I demand a recount.

Death By Cute

Ummmm I sort of can't believe I've waited this long to announce just about the most exciting news since . . . the invention of pizza. That's right, I am a pet owner. Not just any pet, mind you. Some supreme being has seen fit to bestow upon me a tiny tigress beyond all reasonable levels of adorableness. Ladies and gents, meet Pippi Longstocking, Jr. Yes, she is named after my very favorite fictional (or is she?) character. And yes, she rules.

The Pip is fond of sleeping, crawling up my leg, running into walls, eating pasta (seriously don't even think about heating up that leftover penne if you don't want to be attacked by my kitten), Sixties reggae, plastic drinking straws and pooping. In other words, she's a girl after my own heart -- except for the crawling up my leg thingy. Also, she is frequently seen winking, which makes her sort of resembles Thom Yorke.

The Pipstein, aka Bitsy Boo had a little bit of a buttular problem when first she graced us with her presence. This snafu rendered her JUST slightly less than perfect, but LISTEN -- we're working on it together as a family, so chill. I am fully confident that pretty soon she will be totally flawless and therefore officially the most awesome creature to have ever existed in the history of man or beast.

Friends, believe me when I say that I never considered myself a "cat person." (No, not like that.) But these days I find myself behaving like some kooky old cat lady who obsessively thinks, talks about and photographically documents her pet kitten. I mean it! But seriously, can you BLAME ME? Jesus H. -- she's sticking her tongue out at you in the above picture! She's a cheeky little cute sandwich of love! You cannot resist her charms! I dare you to try!

The End.

Hallo!Ween!

This is what happens when you go where eagles dare. Be glad I did not kill your baby.